By Your Side

By Your Side - 10th Ave North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fallIn the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

This is one of my new favorite songs. It was played a couple times yesterday at the His hope in Crisis Seminar and it really spoke to me. Look it up on youtube. It's worth it. I'm listening to it now actually. =)
So the rest of the seminar was, again, INTENSE, but so amazing. I think it changed my life. That may be an exaggerated statement but it was seriously amazing. I was sitting there, sobbing for a good part of it, really wishing my parents could be there with me. You both would LOVE it. I'm gonna try and find it on DVD or CD. I also wished that Katie and Heather could be sitting next to me throughout the whole thing. It would have blessed you both I think. It was so hard though. Yet totally GOOD for me. The first night was hard because of the stories he told. Very graphic and hitting SO CLOSE to home. I don't handle that well. Yesterday was hard because we learned about the stages or grief and about Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and things like that. It was so good for me to hear about it though, because I had never heard most of the things he talked about. I felt like he was talking to me for some of the things he said. He addressed a lot of the fears I've had these past years (like not being able to reach someone on the phone, or hearing an ambulance siren - even though I've never been present when any of my loved ones have been taken away in an amulance, they still scare me) and he said they were NORMAL. Who knew? It was so wonderful to hear that from somebody who didn't have to tell me that. Ya know? He talked about how sorrow can actually be physical sometimes. You can actually truly get nauseous or get headaches and it's totally legit. Which explains why certain days out of the year I just can't eat. This is NORMAL. He talked about what you should and should NOT say. It was amazing... I really wished I could've heard this seminar when I first lost someone I loved. Cause I definitely just heard all the things you should not say. That's why I want to do this, that's why I want to help people experiencing loss... because I know how terrible it is to feel like you are doing it all wrong, like you'll never be normal again... like everyone else in the WORLD can handle hardships better than you. It's not true! It's different for everyone, and trials and loss does change your life. You can still live it, but you won't ever be the same. And that doesn't mean you're crazy. I want to make sure everyone grieving out there know that. And loss isn't just losing someone you love. It can be losing anything you love... I dunno. It makes sense to me. You can't compare trials or losses.People do that too much. If it hurts, it hurts. And you should be able to have a grieving process. I don't think enough people know that or have that. And that just plain SUCKS.
He talked about how to share the gospel with someone who's experienced trauma or crisis. I loved it. You start out by just listening to them. Just listen, or just be silent with them. Let them cry. Attend to their needs and just BE with them. Eventually they'll want to know your story. Your story encorporates His (God's) story. His story can become part of their story. It's beautiful. Some people were upset he didn't talk more about evangelism in the seminar but I wasn't. I think just being there, and showing God's love can be the best evangelism you can do in certain situations. I have a whole big theory on this, so you can ask me if you want to know, but for now I'll just move along.. =)

He also talked about how to become a "chaplin" and what that entails. I want to do it with all my heart! You have to first attend 2 other seminars like this, then fill out an application. They're super picky about references, they call all of them and ask very specific questions about whether or not the applicant could do this kind of work. Once you're accepted you will be notified when they need you, ususally for things like natural disasters or acts of terror etc. You'll have to leave immediately, then spend 7 days in the area just loving people, listening to them, and attending to their immediate needs. Food and shelter is provided, but you have to find you're way to the destination. I can't think of anything else I would want to do MORE. I want to be able to do that more than I can say. Now is not the time I don't think - I don't have the ability to pack up and leave at the drop of a hat. But someday I want to.

wow, this post will be long, but I have more to say, so bear with me please! I've been loving my homework reading. =) I read an exerpt from Romeo and Juliet the other day... it's so BEAUTIFUL! Speaking of Romeo seeing Juliet she was, "taken prisoner the wild motion of Romeo's eye." And then when he compares her as the sun to the moon, "But soft! What life through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she." Oh man. I just can't tell you how beautiful I think that is. I've also really been enjoying my Bible reading.. man there are so many stories they do not tell you about in church! Mary, Mary-Beth and I have been swapping them from our readings. I had completely forgotten about how Lot's daughters (I belive) got Lot completely drunk so they could sleep with him to have children to keep their family line. (Genesis 19). SO GROSS! Haha, so we've been finding stories like that and reading Genesis and Exodus (for Old Testament History and Lit), and it's been really interesting. I just started reading Hosea. Never read it before, never knew what it was about. For those of you who don't know, God told Hosea to marry a prostitute (haha her name is Gomer - isn't that amazing? I keep thinking Andy Griffith), and how the whole book is basically this incredible demonstration of mercy. Hosea gives continual mercy to Gomer (as she keeps being a hooker), just as God gives continual mercy to Israel. The two stories are paralleled in the book and it's the most beautiful thing. Mary has a book called "Redeeming Love" that's a more modernized version of Hosea. I'm gonna read that next.
One last thing to tell you! HAAMM have new weekly rituals. (Again, HAAMM = Hannah, Anna, Anna, Mary, Mary-Beth) Friday nights are movie nights (last Friday was the Devil Wears Prada), then Saturday nights we jog on the soccer field track. =)
Alright well I love you all. Hopefully I didn't bore you guys with my ramblings. It's so weird. I can't believe how open I was about all the seminar stuff. Cause I honestly don't know who all reads this. But again, I've decided I need to talk about that stuff more. If I want to use it in my life, I've gotta start talking about it sometime. Anyways. Till next time!
Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."