As many times as I blink...

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City. This is definitely my new favorite song... and I'm sure you can see why... oh dear. Today was definitely a "missing you" day. It was really discouraging. And then encouraging. Totally confusing. Ya know?
I was just on facebook (it's totally an evil, evil place sometimes) earlier and I was looking at my friends profiles... the friends (and there are several) that found their perfect school half a hour away from their home. And I was just soooooo jealous for a while. Why did my perfect school have to be two states away? Why did I have to want all this change and meeting new people so badly?? Ah. I'm such a brat sometimes! I had a quiet time with the Lord though, and I just got my thoughts together and calmed down. I'm so THANKFUL that I have this amazing opportunity to be here. I remembered that I told God I want to be used by Him, and use this time here to learn and grow, and that sometimes growing HURTS. I know I'm supposed to be here for this time, I'm so happy to be here... today was just one of those days I guess.

I still just want to be home. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss Arthur. I miss his family. I miss my girlfriends. I miss being able to talk to Shanna anytime I want. I miss my youth group friends. I miss driving. I miss my daycare kids, and my co-workers, and boss. I miss the rain. I miss my slippers. (haha weird one I know) I miss a capella choir. I miss my teachers. I don't miss my school (cause it was just TIME TO GO from there) but I do miss being so comfortable in a place, and knowing a place inside and out, and knowing who everyone is... funny how last year I hated all those things.

But ya know what? I love this new "home" of mine as well. I LOVE SoCal. It's beautiful and sunny and warm and the palm trees everywhere are AMAZING. I love living "on my own" most of the time... I'm sure learning lots! I love learning how to love Arthur in a different way (because we're 2 states away from each other... it's different)... and seeing day by day that he's the one I want to be with now and always... being apart drives some people away from each other, or can bring people closer if it's really right, and it's really right for us. That's wonderful to see... I love him more every day. I love being close to my Tullsen family down here. I've so missed living nearby for so long, and it's wonderful to know they're close if I need them. I love my new girlfriends... God has blessed me so much with them! I love going to a church where I DON'T know anyone! It's amazing. I love not spending money on gas all the time. I love my new choir... gospel choir :) and I love my new teachers. (well... most of them.) I love (usually) meeting new people all the time, and being in a place that's new and interesting. I really do love it here.

So the long and short of it... I miss home more than I can bear... at least that's how it feels some days. Today was just a crying day. I know there will be more. But in the end it's wonderful to know that this is where I need to be. And I love it here. I'm so thankful for this opportunity! I love and MISS you all. Till next time!