Trust. Hope. His Joy.

You call out, "Darling daughter
Won't you please draw near?
I'm your heavenly father
You have nothing left to fear

Fall into me
And accept my sheltering arms
Trust and you will see
I don't mean this trial for your harm
Let go and give me all your pain
Don't carry this worry on your own
I promise this is not in vain
You're not meant to bear this all alone"

I cry out, "Heavenly father
I really don't understand
But you want the best for your daughter
So I'll trust you have a plan

I'll fall into you
And accept your sheltering arms
I trust and I can see
You don't mean this trial for my harm
I let go and gave you all my pain
I won't carry this worry on my own
You promise this is not in vain
I don't have to bear this all alone."

Second Semester...

I am loving this semester of school... I love my friends, feel more comfortable in my environment than I was last semester, and I absolutely love all my classes. I'm taking English 110B (we get to read some Poe, Brother's Grimm fairytales, poetry, and The Importance of Being Earnest in that class, so I'm basically in love), Nature of Mathematics (super easy and my prof is really funny... and totally nerdy... he actually spent the time to figure out that his social security number is a prime number, and that's his favorite prime. he couldn't tell us that number, obviously, but he did tell us his second and third favorite prime numbers instead... oh my gosh! People actually spend time thinking about that??? it's a whole nother world...), Biblical Interpretation and Spiritual Formation (otherwise known as BIFS cause that's easier to say... great class about interpreting scriptures), Intro into public speaking (my prof is so great for that class... really funny and entertaining), Music Appreciation (my prof is from Seattle and we got to have a talk about Bellevue, Renton, and Everett where all her family lives), and finally, Intro to Guitar. I love learning how to play guitar. LOVE IT. can't believe I never learned how before.
A couple other new things as well... Mary and I totally rearranged our room and it's SO HAPPY in there now! We went dorm room shopping the first week and bought a rug, a mirror, and brought in a lamp from mary's house... it's all very bright and happy.
Alfred is a totally new fish this semester! He swims around all the time, is orange in color again, and eats 3 times a day! Such a change from him sitting on the rocks all day, turning white, and eating every 3 days... we don't know what happened. We think maybe he took on the spirit of Ducky (Anna and Hannah's fish who was left with Alfred in Mary's care over break... he died after a few weeks, and Alfred has been a changed fish ever since).
Mary and I have updated our youtube channel a bit, and posted a couple different videos... our latest one is a music video we made on "supernova day" last sunday. we have such fun together... oh! part of our new room arrangement is so that our beds are headboard to headboard against the window, and we sleep with our heads facing each other so it's like a sleepover every night ;)
The car has been in the shop for the past week and a half... poor baby. she needs a new throttle body. that's the short version of the story. it's was really scary to figure that out and find a good auto shop that wouldn't rip me off... oh man. but it should all be ok now... the part it needs is being shipped to the local Honda shop as we speak (it's a discontinued part because the car is "so old" so we had to buy the part on ebay), so please pray that it will get there safely and WORK in the car!
The past two nights I was tryin out a hip hop dance thing with my friend, Anna... oh we had so much fun! It's actually an audition proccess to get into the school dance team (why a school who doesn't allow dancing at campus events has a dance team is STILL so confusing to me). monday night we learned the routine, tuesday night we practiced, and tryouts are tonight. I just went for fun, but oh man, I loved it!
Okay, well I should probably hit the books... love you guys! Till next time :)

Catching up...

Finals Week
Well I finished the end of the semester very well. I think finals week was seriously my favorite week of the semester! The girls and I kicked it off with a game of marco polo in the Hope dorm =D. Later that night the cafeteria was opened from 10-12 with breakfast foods and a karaoke party... amazing! =D I had a great time. Besides all that great fun (and only having to go to class for the finals) Mary and I had dance parties in our room every night.
Now all of that may make it sound like I left no time for studying or doing well on my finals, but I just checked my grades and it's quite the opposite - all A's and B's! I'm quite proud of that.
Christmas Break
Break has been so amazing! I've been able to spend almost all my time with Arthur and my family, and I've really been able to reconnect with some of my good girlfriends... and guyfriends! Going away was so wonderful and perfect for some of my friendships... it really saved some of them. It was also good to find out who my real friends are... who I missed, who missed me, who I can count on being there for me when I come home. Good things to find out... =D I also got to spend lots of time with the Finks - we've had some great times this break! Playing Uno, going shopping, and going out to eat with my family... it's been great - I sure love that family!
Church & Youth Group
While I've been home I've been able to go back to youth group for a few weeks =) I got my name (and all the old student leaders names) back on the BOB boxes, and I enjoyed catching up with all the girls last Saturday night when they came over for a sleepover. The youth group kids were some of the people I missed the MOST while being away, and I'm so happy they all love me still and are happy to see me return. =) I could never not go back... I love them all so much!
Returning to Biola
Heather my mom and I leave next Monday to begin our road trip down to Southern California =) I'll be sad to leave my dear ones, and it's ridiculous to think that Shanna comes home in less than a month after I leave and yet I won't see her for another four... (BTW that makes 10 months that I will not have seen my best friend... yeah, that kinda SUCKS and I think it should never happen AGAIN!!!) but part of me is excited to get back to school and see all my college friends again =D. Mary and I are hoping to get to a Joe Brooks concert next week... I sure hope we can get tickets! Anyways, I'm very excited about this time of my life so far... there's so much left to say, but I won't, haha =P
Till next time!

Going Home

Last weekend (ok so now it's been more like 3-4 weekends ago)I went home from Friday to Monday, and I cannot describe how wonderful it was to fly in and see the space needle from the plane window. I've seen that beautiful sight much more than once, but never after being gone for three months. I love living here in SoCal, I'm not going to lie, but Seattle is still my home. It always will be, of that I am sure.

I originally decided to go home for Arthur - to surprise him at his show, and then God worked in that my sister would happen to need me and I could spend time with her that weekend as well. I spent a little of Friday afternoon and all of Saturday with her, and it was so great! I miss both my sisters so much, and I was glad I could be there.

The first morning I was there, I woke up in one of my own beds, went upstairs, climbed in my mom's bed with her, and we talked for at least half an hour. I've missed that so much! I also got to see both sets of grandparents this weekend - it had been too long since I'd seen them! I miss my family so much!

12/10/09
Well I wrote all of that a while ago but things have been so busy that it's been hard to post lately! Life has been very busy, and now it's only 8 days till I go home again! This time it will be for 6 weeks! =) I'm very excited. I'm really gonna miss my Biola girls though! God has blessed me so much with my friends here...
The past few weekends have been fun... a couple different random Disneyland Sprees =) It's decorated for Christmas now and it's SO MAGICAL! It's always magical, but the Christmas decor only makes it more so. When I went with Anna and Hannah a few weeks ago they made me go on tower of terror - ahhhh!!! So scary! But it was great fun too =) I know that probably doesn't impress all of you, but it's a pretty big deal for me... =P
Last weekend I went on Anna and Hannah's GYRAD (Get Your Roommate A Date) as Anna's date. We went to the beach and had dinner on the pier.. pretty great date! Plenty of the fun kind of awkwardness... =) haha =P
Thanksgiving break was such a relaxing and MUCH NEEDED break... I got to stay with the Tullsens and it was wonderful =) Lots of relaxation and quality time with some of my favorite people, and I even got some homework done as well.
The homework has picked up... but shouldn't be too bad now that I finished my 8 page biography paper for history - HOOOORAYY! I have a final tomorrow in English (an in class essay), one to hand in next Wednesday (it was a take home, open-book - how awesome is that???), an exam on Monday in Psychology (it's our 5th one of the semester, so pretty routine for me), one Tuesday in Old Testament (our 3rd one of the semester, so not stressed about it), NOTHING next Wednesday =) and a final on Thursday in my Foundations class. The end is sooo close! I can't believe I've almost finished my first semester at college and away from home.
Saturday is the gospel choir performance. I'm looking forward to that if I can find a ride... things are looking pretty bleak right now (so far only three students in a class of 25-30 can drive) and I REALLLY would love to go... Pray I can find a ride? If things all work out we will be at the church (it's an hour and a half away) by two so we can take pictures with our director, there's a VIP reception for us at four (sounds way cooler than it is - I think the choirs performing are the VIPs... he didn't really say), and then the recording starts at six. CDs and DVDs should be available after the show, so I'm happy my family can still hear it/see it!
Well. Seeing as my final is at 8, and it's 12:30 now, I should at least try to get some sleep. So goodnight for now, friends. Till next time. I love you all.

Dreams

I don't understand why God allows dreams to affect us so much. The past four years I've suffered from sleepless nights because of dreams. Any trial, any loss, any sadness in my life and it visits me in my dreams. So I've become afraid to sleep. But this isn't just me it's happened to... I haven't had sleep issues nearly as bad as some of my loved ones have who've been closer to some of the trials. And now it's happening to one of my dear ones. And I hate it. It makes me so angry.
I understand that life will be full of trials... I've accepted that fact. It's gonna happen to everyone, and I know that good does come out of it. But if you're going through a struggle, WHY must it invade your dreams??? It feels like a slap on the face, quite honestly. In psychology we've been learning about dreams and the different theories for them, and as far as I can tell from what I've learned and my own experiences, dreams involve unresolved problems or things from your day. So from that standpoint I can understand why you dream about the hard things you're going through. What I don't understand is why God allows that. There have been so many prayers for me and this dear one experiencing the dreams now... prayers every night before bed, "God please protect her mind and sleep from these dreams..." and yet they persist. Why?? I don't understand. And it makes me angry.
I love you all. Till next time...

LOVE

I have a lot of love for a lot of people in a lot of different ways. Isn't that amazing and wonderful how much love you can feel (giving or recieving)? It's just as devestating, however, as it was wonderful, when someone decides not to love anymore. I used the word decide on purpose. Cause with a true kind of love (romantic or otherwise) sometimes there are days when you have to make a choice to love someone. Cause people suck sometimes or get annoying or maybe it's just YOU who get annoyed, whatever the case is, you're not always gonna feel like loving people. So when that happens you have to make the choice to love them that day. (Example: Say you are not a morning person and you get rudly awakened by a friend, parent, or sibling, and you're really NOT happy. That's when you would have so say, "Ok I really DO love this person" and make that choice to love them even if you're really ticked off. You make the choice. Or maybe someone is having a bad day and needs a phone call, but you're havin a really good time with your buddies in the room and want to get off the phone. That's when you would need to make the choice to love the person and give them your time. See what I mean?)

This post is on love... I'm at a Bible school... who knows what I'm gonna say next??? Yup, I will never grow tired of this passage..."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8). Ok so I pretty much suck at love if this is the ultimate model. Especially... well all of it. But in reading it over I just noticed how constant love is... or at least how it's supposed to be. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS. Now we as humans are obviously going to fail on the always and the never fails bit. But if the ultimate model is such a persistent, constant, always kind of love, doesn't that mean that that's the way love is or should be? Constant?

This question and subject has been on my mind ever since I moved here, and I'm finally writing about it. It was brought up each and every day as I was reminded of how much I love my family and friends and Arthur (two different types of love there). It was brought up when my Phsychology book told me (yup, it talks :P) that absence does not make the heart grow fonder, reality is more like out of sight out of mind. And finally it was brought up reccently when I was told that sometimes people fall out of love with each other. I don't believe either of the last two things. I belive that 1) love takes work and 2) sometimes that work involves choosing to love someone.


For example. I love Arthur Karl Fink with all my heart, and he loves me. That's how we know the long distance thing is gonna work, and has been working. Because it's worth it - he is worth it to me. But I can tell you that it takes work. Maybe work is a bad word... because work implies something negative. Let's go with commitment instead. Long distance has SUCKED majorly - I miss Arthur so much... it's a physical pain. But we both agree it's been so good for both of us because each and every day we've been learning how to love each other in a new and deeper way. It's been hard, but we're growing together and becoming stronger because of it.

So that's why I say I don't believe you can just fall out of love with someone, or have them outta sight outta mind. It can't happen if the love is true and real. Because love "always perseveres." I believe people can change so drastically in front of you that they become a stranger to you and how at that point you could not be in love with them anymore (yet still loving them as a person - two differents types of love here). I can see how you could move on from someone you lost and fall in love again with someone else. But, based on everything that I believe about love - that it's constant and is not just a feeling but a choice - I don't believe it can just change suddenly or dissapear. I was talking about this with my dad earlier and we were talking about the "Hollywood" type of love... how that's not really love... it's attraction. You can fall in and out of attraction very easily.. but it's not true and it's not real. It's not love.

I know I'm not an expert on love, and I know I still have a lot to learn about it. I know I will fail many people that I love in loving them. But that's the thing about it... it's always there, even if you don't feel it sometimes or even if you fail it. It's a constant. That's what I believe at least. This topic has just been on my mind the past few months, and just got brought up again, so I finally wrote about it.

I LOVE you all. Till next time.

Excitment =)

After my last slightly morbid post, I decided to update you all on the excitement going on. =) Well first of all, did I tell you all that Mary DEFINITELY met Adam from Owl City??? He's dating a girl at APU who is Mary's cousin's RA. So one day when Mary was hanging out there, he came to visit his girlfriend and she got to meet him! She was completely AMAZING and got me his autograph, even though it was a slightly embarassing moment for her... =P And she thought he was gay when she first met him... haha, it's a funny story. . but yeah, Owl City is my favorite band right now.. after the Coats. Which - more exciting news - I found out that I will definitely be able to attend one of their Christmas shows this year! Go look up Owl City and the Coats and listen - amazing! =)

Well the next exciting news is that Mary and I bought a fish!!! We went to Coldstone and Walmart with our new friends and neighbors in Alpha (who have cars), and we picked out Alfred because he was smiling at us through the tank. He appeared to be happy the first day of being in his new home, but now we think he's anorexic and blind... it's rather sad. So we'll see how long he'll be with us... oh my. Anyways, I've included a picture of him in the post. =) We love him.

The most exciting news right now is that (drum roll please) ARTHUR IS COMING ON THURSDAY TO VISIT ME!!!! I cannot WAIT because it's been WAYYY too long since I've seen him.. it will be 2 months on Sunday since I left. Wow, can you believe that? Time flys down here. I'm so excited to see him... did I mention that it's been too long since we've seen each other???

Alright well I'm off to tackle my English homework, and then head to dinner with HAAMM soon. I love you all! Till next time =)

P.S. 4th bit of exciting news - It's supposed to pour down rain tomorrow!! I've missed that so much! It's been 2 months since I've seen rain!!!